The Radical Idea of Rest For Moms

This morning while I wiped the deodorant my toddler stole off of her toys, I heard her getting the cereal box out of the pantry. Before I could wipe the rest of the deodorant from the play food, I could hear little pieces of cereal spill all over the floor. Then she ran and stole a glass of water from the counter, spilling it everywhere.

That was just the first 5 minutes of my day.

If rest, intentional play, and relaxation sounds like a fantasy as a mom, it doesn’t have to. I’ve noticed lately that my friends are pulling back from things. Everyone is stressed out and stretched a little too thin. Between piano lessons, sports practices, homeschool lessons, and church activities, there’s a lot going on.

None of these are bad things and they can be great for our kids. And I’m sure many of us are tired of the self-care conversation. It brings up images of perfect ladies on Instagram making homemade DIY cereal for their perfectly behaved, gorgeous looking children. Or maybe I’m the only one who saw that video and thought it was weird.

But hear me out.

What if taking time to rest wasn’t selfish? What if taking care of ourselves physically, mentally, and spiritually is what we are called to do? What if rest was necessary, prioritized, and something we actively pursued?

Rest Is Productive

For so many years I didn’t think rest was something I needed to do or even should do. I didn’t think about it in such stark terms, but I realized my actions were playing it out. Even if my conscious brain wasn’t fully aware that that’s what I was doing.

As a kid, anytime I’d start vegging out in front of the TV my mom would always ask “What can you do that’s productive?” That question was burned into my mind. What can I be doing that’s productive?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m 100% for a solid work ethic. However, as a type A person who loves lists, planners, and schedules, it’s easy to get burnt out. But what if rest actually is productive? Researchers noted that:

“Increased play activity in rat models reduced mood-related symptoms and ADHD-like behaviors, suggesting broader mental health benefits.”

I’m not talking about scrolling mindlessly on social media or watching just one more episode of that TV show (that turns into 4 episodes). The same researchers found that:

“Stimulant induced dopamine surges (like social media scrolling) can suppress genuine playfulness by creating a numbing or freezing effect, lacking the engagement required for true play.”

These activities don’t truly give our brains and bodies rest. I mean letting our mind relax and not worrying about the next thing on the to-do list. Truly allowing ourselves to be at peace and restore our energy.

Isn’t That What Sleep is For?

While sleep is certainly important, it’s not the same as taking breaks throughout the day to mentally and physically rest. And while a few minutes here and there in between kids activities and making dinner is a good start, it’s not really giving us all we need.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, women on average spend less time than men on leisure activities. Women ages 35-44 spend the least amount of time on rest than any other age group or gender. And the vast majority of that is time with TV and social media.

On average a woman gets about 30 minutes for relaxing and thinking, with only 1 hour of time connecting with and communicating with other humans. That’s compared to over 3 hours of TV and computer use for leisure. It may not sound like how we spend our hours would make that much of a difference, but over time the stress on our body accumulates.

Adam Started From Rest

Many give the Biblical model of a 7 day week as a reason for why we should rest. God worked hard for 6 days making all of creation, from the seas and animals to land, sky, light, and eventually ending with Adam, the first human. He worked hard and then he rested at the end.

However, that’s not how Adam started off. According to Genesis, Adam was formed and brought to life on day 6. So his very first full day on earth was a day of rest.

What if instead of starting from a place of striving and pushing, we started from rest instead?

Isn’t Rest Selfish?

For so many years this was floating around in the back of my head, as I’m sure it does for many moms. When we’re constantly needed, isn’t it selfish to prioritize our own rest, play, and human connections? As moms we are one of the most important assets in our homes. When we’re on our A game days run smoother, children are happier, and things get done (usually).

If we’re really that important and such an asset to our families though, then shouldn’t we protect and care for that asset? Just as we feed ourselves nourishing food (most days at least), rest is also one of those components we need for a healthy mind and body.

A recent research paper points out the link between healthy aging and intentional play as adults.

“Social playfulness, characterized by spontaneity and mutual enjoyment, allows individuals to step away from routine roles and engage in novel and surprising exchanges. Emerging evidence suggests that social playfulness is a promising approach for supporting cognitive functions in aging in a joyful and engaging way.”

Why Community and Connection are Critical

Taking time to rest is more than just scheduling a mani/pedi or taking a few moments to read a favorite book. While those are great activities, community and human connection play a vital role in our rest. According to the CDC those who have healthy relationships with family and friends have a lower risk of chronic disease and health issues.

This includes:

• heart disease
• stroke
• dementia
• depression, stress, and anxiety

Intentionally prioritizing rest and play works best when done with others and in community. That’s not to say alone time isn’t important, but it’s only one piece of the puzzle.

Saying Goodbye

The biggest thing here is to be intentional with our actions. I’ll be the first to admit that I spend more time on social media than I’d like to (or should). Last week I spent about 8 hours scrolling through things. When I saw the hours and minutes added up on my phone, I couldn’t help but think, what else could I have done with that time?

Social media was meant to connect us, but it’s had some other major negative effects. Instead of creating a sense of community that comes from in person, human connections, it’s created more stress. According to a 2023 study:

“The use of social networks is strongly correlated with the development of anxiety and other psychological problems such as depression, insomnia, stress, decreased subjective happiness, and a sense of mental deprivation.”

All of those things I kept saying I didn’t have the time and energy for, I probably did. I just didn’t prioritize them and pursue them.

Maybe your kids are enrolled in 3 different sports, dance lessons, karate, and piano lessons. It’s tempting to fill our days with lots of activities and work, but in doing so we’re sacrificing other things. Sometimes our sanity.

Paying Attention to Our Time and Getting Support

It’s helpful to keep track of how we’re actually spending our time for the week. Then you can look back and see what you’re actually prioritizing and where that time went. Did it go where you wanted it to and to the things you really felt were important? What feels overwhelming and needs cut back or let go entirely?

And while time management and schedules are really helpful (and necessary), sometimes its not enough. We were not meant to do this alone. So, enlist help from your significant other to watch the kids or better balance the household chore load if needed. What are the pain points in your life that make life more difficult and where can you get more support for these? In the past we’ve had a housekeeper during really stressful seasons. My kids now do their own laundry and my husband does ours.

Practical Ways to Rest

This opens us up to being able to ask the necessary question: how can we prioritize rest and play in our lives? Things we actually enjoy and that refresh us. Maybe that’s picking up a new handicraft, taking voice lessons, playing a board game with the kids, or connecting with friends over coffee. The most important thing is to be intentional. If we don’t make the choice to prioritize rest, then our overflowing schedules will dictate that for us.

For me this looks like taking weekly ballet lessons and starting a local mom’s book club.
I can’t control everything in my life and everything in my schedule. None of us can. And even on days my toddler is making messes faster than I can clean them up (which is most of the time), I’m still taking intentional time to rest. Because I want to be there for my family, for my kids, and rest is a key piece to being my best for them.

Do you try to take time to rest? What are your favorite ways to rest and play? I’d love to hear about them in the comments!

Sources:

• Panksepp, J., & Biven, L. (2012). The archaeology of mind: Neuroevolutionary origins of human emotions. W. W. Norton & Company.
• U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. (2024). Economic News Release.
• Golland, Y., Ben-David, B. M., Mather, M., & Keisari, S. (2025). Playful brains: a possible neurobiological pathway to cognitive health in aging. Frontiers in human neuroscience, 19, 1490864.
• CDC. (2024, May 15). Social Connection.
• Zubair, U., Khan, M. K., & Albashari, M. (2023). Link between excessive social media use and psychiatric disorders. Annals of medicine and surgery (2012), 85(4), 875–878.